Restarting

Well hello Putri! It's been ages! You've changed so much, in good and bad ways. The good ones are you manage to survive this far despite the raging storm Alhamdulillah, you're well aged - no obvious wrinkles and you still look younger than your real age (thanks to the oriental genes), you play archery and chess better - at least that Indian IT guy finally admitted it lol, you manage to keep your cool and sanity in check, you pray better, you're more forgiving, and the best is you love yourself more than before.

And the bad ones? Given what you've been through, the bad ones are unavoidable. The cynical you, the blunt you, and the commitment issue, the overthinking. You can forgive yourself. Oh you get your hypersensitivity back as well after all those years. It's fine. We can fix and improve them later. 

So, what has stressed you out lately? 

The overthinking on political and social issues. All of my simple analytical predictions from the very beginning of the pandemy are occurred now...all of them, literally! How could they, people in power, the policy makers, didn't see it coming? They make joke out of the pandemy from the very start. They don't close the borders - a very simple logic they can't comprehend. And now they have the audacity to say the situation is under control while many are exhausted getting in the long line for oxygens, waiting endlessly for hospital treatment which lead many are dead untreated. The worst is, they start to privatize the vaccination programs. Truly, the pandemy has revealed the real face of people, their true characters. It's not the viruses that cause suffering. It's not the viruses that wreak havoc the economy. It's the corrupt people in power, the brutal capitalists, it's self centered, two faced, arrogant people, it's f us. 

While I was mentally and emotionally drained by the overthinking, long story short a wise dark and tall British-Bangladeshi  guy whom I met randomly on internet a few months ago responded to my voice messages. He reminded me to be tawakkul. I myself have been struggling to practice tawakkul for years. He suggested me to focus on my local area since I have no influence or power to do something more impactful for mass, to better do something beneficial to the closest people. To always question "what's the point" in the first place when i get overthinking. To me, that's kind of a good slap making me come to my sense.

A brief about him, I could recognize him being genuinely nice from the very start I read his mesmerizing poems. Oh yea he's a talented poet with provoking thought. As I know he helps many of his social media followers by literally assisting them through their struggles. He demonstrates that act of kindness can be borderless. Another bright side of the pandemy I finally see. A person like him must have been through a lot as strong mentality isn't born, it's forged. No matter what the hardships he's been through, I hope he always remembers that he's blessed and we are here for him in bad and good. Well, I'm a bad advisor - I deliberately remove the skill after one 'accident', I lost for words often, but at least I'm a good listener. Often people actually know what they have to do, they just want to be heard, a shoulder to lean on, encouragement.

He also suggested me to restart blogging, a therapeutic writing. It's been ages since the last time I wrote my journal. So, here I am. Yes i am a writer, but most of the time I dont write about myself. In the future, I might get cringed out reading what I wrote today lol. But here it is I start my current therapy.  

I believe that God spreads His noor of hidayah through diverse ways. Through the natural disasters, the breakup, a bypasser who helps you with direction, a stranger whom you meet on internet, a stray cat you encounter on the street. The unexpected moments. We, by His will would recognize it. And those who are used by God to spread the light, you're lucky and blessed.