Grieved

Incoming message was  in my uni alumni group this afternoon. I have received countless messages of condolences since the number of COVID-19 cases soared. I'm getting used to it. But, this time I got the beatdown mentally and emotionally. The sun out there was sparkling cheerful, but that afternoon suddenly became cloudy in my room when the message was telling my professor had passed away. I have never been this deeply grieved by any departure. I bursted into crying, spent 2 hours to pull myself together. Ah, I haven't cried in a long time.

To me he is not just a professor. He's one of a few sincerest people I've ever met in my life by far.  He was the one who reached me out and helped me through the tough times when no one did, not even my supervisors. I was depressed by my thesis research that time. I lost a few kilos. I failed my research and had to start all over again. I had bad insomnia. I worked like a dog in lab just to pull through. I was on the edge of my sanity.

I remember that morning was my first visit to his office. That was the very moment I knew he was the right person I could run to. I have that 'pyschic radar' when it comes to vibing lol. I know not much, but I know energy. I know when it's genuine, when it's fake. And I knew he was a genuine one. He welcomed me and his first words were: What's your name? I let him know my name. And he with a friendly smiling was saying that his daughter had the same name like mine. He wasn't in a leisure time that morning, but he wanted to take the time to listen to my complaints, let me be broken down, and fragile for a moment. Since then he became my 'morale supervisor'. 

He was the mentor I would talk to regularly, to keep my sanity in check. He was the reiki master whom my friends and I visited every weekends to get therapeutic session. And he loved doing these all with no condition. We all could feel his sincerity, warmth, and compassion. He literally assisted me. I'm one of a few luckiest for knowing him personally.

My biggest regret is I didn't visit him before I moved back to Jakarta for good. And I didn't get to see him before his very last breath, but he's always been the sweetest for leaving me his legacy: share the compassion and kindness with other people with no condition.

May Allah pour all His loves upon this beautiful soul...